Filming these videos was really hard for me, mostly because I have so much to say when it comes to body image and body positivity. I think, in terms of big and touchy topics like this, I am always better at writing than I am at speaking. I'm better at writing about love, acceptance, anything really, than I am at putting it into words. I wanted to make these videos so I could get a message out there, a message that I can't say I always follow either. When I told my mom about what I was posting she said, 'I'm not so much concerned with what you're telling other people, it's that you're believing it yourself.'
Loving your body is hard when you are told every day that there is something to hate about it. Seeing airbrushed perfection in posters and magazines and on TV is hard, not comparing yourself physically to other people is hard. Despite the leaps and bounds I have made, I still have days where I am stressed out about my body and how I look. Even the most body positive people and bloggers admit to not always feeling their best. Not to mention, having been in a state of near eating disorder-dom, those seething thoughts of never being good enough will come out to play whenever I feel stressed out or sad.
I made these videos, not only to help you guys, but also to help myself. Having that reminder that I said it, having a reminder that I'm amazing the way that I am, and beautiful the way that I am pushes me to believe it. I can't tell girls and boys to love themselves if I don't love myself either.
Physically, I'm at peace with myself. There will always be little things I want to tweak here and there, but my body is awesome and it's mine. When it comes down to it, what I look like hasn't been something that has got me down these days. Being in my early twenties has given me some different battles to face: trying to process who I am and what kind of person I want to be. What can I change about myself emotionally? As a person? How can I be better? Something I think I have done in the past, is place the blame of me being uncomfortable with myself on my body instead of me as a person.
In short, I'm really just trying to figure myself out. I've put my insecurities about my body on the back burner to sit and simmer on their own and hopefully fizzle out. I guess you have to see yourself from far away, as you are as a whole, instead of just the parts you don't like. Just like you can't always remember the good times of a bad relationship. You need to see the big picture.
The big picture: you're great, and you've done so much and touched so many people by simply being alive. You're so much more than just your body, and I think that's where body acceptance makes an appearance. Once you accept what you are, you can accept WHO you are, and then make the changes you want to make after the fact.
You're beautiful, and I'm beautiful. 100 pounds heavier, 100 pounds lighter, and at the weight I am right now.
Love always,
Consistently trying to figure it out:
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